Some scars take their time to fade...



In happier times-when turning the door handle lead to adventure

 Up until a few weeks ago I was your regular Pta citizen. I relished the long walks through Arcadia on my way to school, I enjoyed seeing its colourful  people as they went on their merry way trying to make a living from their inventive sweet stalls and chicken dust stands, I loved walking past the park on Park Street with its homeless people who read newspapers and the drug dealers that blend in so well with the rest of society but mostly I loved being a citizen of Arcadia because it was the safest I had felt in a long time after my incidents in Sunnyside. Then I got mugged. My whole esteem is so unsure of itself right now. I went out for the first time by myself yesterday to catch the school bus and I thought I would have a mild heart attack! Everyone, according to me, looked like they wanted to attack me, every street corner suddenly looked too dark and dodgy and even the park looked threatening, yes with its swings and all. I love to joke about my mugging experience to friends and family in hopes that the shame and fear will leave me soon but the truth is I am terrified to go anywhere by myself, just the mere thought of getting out the door to face a possible attack grips at my heart with such intensity that I need to collect myself before going out. Half the time I just want to break out into tears and I now obsess about that Sunday I got mugged, could I have done something different to protect myself? I knew I was not over the incident when I went to dance practice on the 18^th June. Practice had been cancelled but I had not gotten the memo because I had forgotten my other phone at the flat. As I approached the venue I saw no cars and immediately I want half crazy, I was not safe and that dirty guy calling out to me was not making me feel better. I hid in a store just to calm my nerves and after much deliberation I went back to the flat. Today again I have to call on every superhuman power I posses because I have an important errand to run and hope my armpits do not fail me as I sweat when I feel threatened or nervous. My boyfriend says that there a certain things that only happen to certain people like his friend who got kidnapped for no reason, was beaten up in the car and then dropped off...I hope getting mugged is not the thing that happens to me.